I Look Like I'm Free But I'm Not
by VioTanequil
Summary: Zaraki doesn't do paperwork. He doesn't give a damn what his division is doing. He couldn't be bothered to deal with one very nervous Abarai Renji. Really, now... Rated T for swearing Kenpachi-style. Watch out for falling humor.


A cough from the doorway.

"May I enquire about exactly what you are doing, Captain Zaraki?"

_[Of course not, yer baka.]  
_  
Grunt.

"Captain Zaraki? If I am not mistaken, I…"

_[Yeah…Yeah…Yeah… It's all about yer, right? Just what do ya want? Just name it and get the hell out of my office]_

He grunted again as he looked up from his paperwork, a none-too-pleased look on his face that he supposed would look somewhat like a scowl.

"What?" Zaraki's eyes raised from the paper on his desk to look up at the… shinigami standing in the doorway.

_[What a wimpy fellow. Already trembling like a pussy and he hadn't even released his reiatsu at all. Shinigami sure as hell have fallen far.]  
_  
"Er, well that is to say, Captain Zaraki, I'm kind of…"

_[I know this is kind of pointless, and I'm kind of bored, but you're kind of what?]  
_  
Zaraki raised a menacing eyebrow.

_[He didn't really mean it to be menacing, but it just was, especially on that scarred face and matched with that blank, bored look of a predator nonchalantly stalking its prey.]  
_  
The shinigami flinched. Zaraki lowered the eyebrow and raised the other one questioningly.

_[Dude. This is such a damn waste of time.]  
_  
Oh yeah. That was right. He recognized this shinigami. What was his name again?

_[Red Asshole? Nah. Scarlet… No. Too descriptive… Too unlike the brat. Besides, he hadn't taught her some of those words yet. Ah yes. That was his name.]  
_  
"Eh… Abarai, was it?"

The shinigami visibly relaxed. Zaraki relaxed a little too. At least he had gotten that kid's name right. Good.

"So. What's it?"

_[No one, no one, not even the little brat, entered his office without wanting something, or without wanting to tell him something.]  
_  
Red Kid tensed up. Huh. So he probably got unlucky at some bet or something and was here to do some sort of weird forfeit.

_[They seemed to think that he liked beating up everyone, so for a while after he had entered Seireitei, he was constantly bombarded by a constant torrent of people seeking to speak with him but in the end just standing there in their damn silence and watching him stare either out the window or back at them.]_

Zaraki looked back down at the papers on his desk, quickly casting his glance out the window before looking back and meeting Red Kid's gaze.

Red Kid gulped.

_[Gee. Did he think he was going to be thrown out the window or something? What was with all the bakas who were so damn bloody scared of him? Sure, there was reason to be afraid, but no reason to tremble like a bloody leaf and damn near faint every time he was near them.]  
_  
"Kid. I asked ya a question. I'm waiting for yer answer."

"Uh… Yes sir!"

_[Always too damn uptight and proper, almost like one of them Noble bastards, like that Kuchiki over at Sixth. He thought he had beaten all that shit out of his men already. Ah well. There'll always be the bastards who slip through the damn net.]  
_  
Red Kid was still standing there in silence.

Zaraki scowled. "Oi."

"Sir, that is to say, I would like to, you know, sir…."

_[No, I don't, kid. I can't fucking read yer damn mind, yer know? Spill, ya baka.]  
_  
"Kid. Spill."

Red Kid fidgeted around on the spot, and Zaraki was starting to wonder what the heck was the bloody idiot's problem.

_[It wasn't like he was trying to break up with his damn girlfriend anyway, so what was with all the hesitation? Zaraki was pretty damn sure he was not into guys, so there was no way Red Kid was into him, right? …Right? Oh shit. If Red Kid was gay… Then it didn't matter if he was fucking gay or not, but as long as one of them was gay… Oh god. Since when had he started thinking of them as a 'them'? Shit.]  
_  
"Look. I ain't got all day to sit here and watch ya get all worried and shit. Ya spill, or ya get the hell out."

Red Kid chewed his lip nervously, doing the little shuffle thing which meant that he wanted a hole in the ground to open and for him to hide inside.

_[Oh, for fuck's sake, this was getting irritating already. What the hell was wrong with him?]  
_  
Zaraki mentally groaned before scowling again. "If ya make me want to get up and hit yer nose in, ya bet yer ass yer'll regret it."

"Ah… Ah… yes, Captain. I would… I would like to say that… that… Well, it's kind of hard to put it… But I guess… IwillbetransferringtotheSixthDivisionastheirlieutenantasoftomorrow."

Grunt.

"S-Sir?"

_[WHAT WAS IT NOW?!]_

"I-Is that alright with you?"

Grunt.

"A-Ah… T-Thank you sir. Many apologies sir, and it's not that I don't like this Division, sir, it's just that I've always looked up to Captain Kuchiki and I've always wanted to… Ah, my apologies, sir, it appears that…"

"Shut up."

"Y-Yes sir."

"I won't be seeing ya around then."

"Y-Yes sir."

"Be sure to pay Ikkaku back that five thousand yen ya owe him before ya leave."

This time there was a pause and Red Kid looked supremely confused.

Zaraki sighed.

[Or grunted, really, but who can tell the difference?]

"O-Oh right sir. Right away, sir."

"And remember to leave that set of marbles Yachiru lent ya to play with behind, fuck knows what I'll do if she demands another set. Glass shit like that is hard as hell to come by."

"E-Eh, yes sir."

"And say goodbye to her before ya leave, I won't know what the hell to tell her when she finds out yer not around these parts anymore."

"Y-Yes sir."

"One last thing."

"Y-Yes, Captain?"

"Don't ya fucking dare to disgrace the Eleventh Division while you're at Prissy King's Division, ya hear me?"

"O-Of course, sir. I wouldn't dare, sir."

"Good. Now get the fuck out because ya have the rest of today and tomorrow off to do whatever the hell ya want to do to get used to Prissy King's Division."

"At once, sir."

Abarai's hand was at the door.

"Eh, Renji." Zaraki smirked to himself at the shocked look that he was sure on the kid's face. What, had he thought that he had forgotten the name of one of his officers, especially one who hung around quite a bit with Ikkaku and Yumichika?

"Don't ya dare be late for dinner. We'll have a little celebration for finally getting rid of the kid in the Sixth spot."

"Yes sir."

A grunt as the door shut behind Abarai Renji and Zaraki Kenpachi got back to finishing up the recommendation and transfer forms.

Who said he didn't do his paperwork?


End file.
